Notes on Love

by - February 08, 2018

I had wanted to write about the night Dan and I got engaged this week.   But I got distracted catching up with life after a week of being sick and lacked the proper words.
And then I had wanted to take pictures of fun Valentines outfits but barely got out of my sweats and wasn't feeling like blogging or attractive for that matter.

Then tonight after putting the kids to bed I had a memory.  5 years ago we started our journey with Lucia's growth hormone needles and because Lucia has been asking a lot about that experience I had the idea of searching the old blog to see what I had recorded.

Man, it's crazy how I can go from one minute not giving this space a moment of my time to all of a sudden being so incredibly grateful that I had taken the time to write the posts I did 5, 6, 7 years ago when my kids were just little.  Well, in Lucia's case...very little.  Like -1% little.  You can read about it here.


Which brings me to some thoughts that have been jumbled up in my mind for the past couple weeks.

I feel like I'm on the cusp of a monumental shift in parenting.

Fact.  I never hesitate to do things for myself. Call it great tactics at self-care or perhaps a side of selfishness, but this is me.  One who likes to do all the things.
You see, I have all these fun weekends booked for myself and I'm starting to be double booked because of life.  Which has me think that year is really going to be the last year that I book weekends away au hasard and that I make plans non stop with my friends.  My weekday nights are no longer my own and 3-8 is proving to be my busiest time.

Willis no longer wants me to cuddle him at night, in fact he pushes me away if I make an attempt.  Actually, that's just a side note and doesn't really have anything to do with my point.  Also- I sneak in when he's sleeping and snuggle him anyway, so I win.


The parenting shift, you ask? Well, for the foreseeable future my weekends are going to be made up of tournaments or league games or tryouts for something or other.   I get it now what my friends with older kids meant when they said- OH, just wait...it gets busier.

And now that we have reached this stage, I don't want to miss a minute of my kids' extra-curricular activities.  I want to be their #1 fan.  I want them to know that I am here for them.
I mean, it's totally worth it when Lucia finally gets that handstand and then looks for me, grinning ear to ear.  Or when Willis nails a 3 and meekly looks for us to make sure we saw.
They crave that attention and I want to 108% give it to them.


Mostly because I know that this window is fleeting and that I'm sitting on a slingshot (or maybe in? I picture a giant slingshot in this case) that is seconds away from launching me into the vortex of holyshitmykidisgrowinguptoofast.
And you know what, I am totally okay with all my time going to my kids, in fact I'm really excited for this stage.

Which I guess is my revelation of sorts- it all boils down to that unconditional, irrevocable love a parent has for their kid; desperately wanting the best for them and willing to make those sacrifices to see their wishes and desires come true.   I always thought my parents didn't have much of life, but maybe it was the other way around.  Maybe they too had gave up a little of themselves so that they could also be behind us 108%, rooting us on be it from the stands or as a coach.



And I bet you in 5 years time, when Willis is in grade 10 (WHAT??!) and I'm wanting to remember that moment when things were slow and lovely and I had time with my kids and they liked me somewhat, that 'll come back to this post and be happy I took the time to write my thoughts and embrace all the crazy.

I feel a new version of me as a mom coming on and I can't wait to see what it's like (and also what kind of cool outfits this grownupmom wears)


-D

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12 comments

  1. This new MOM is going to be awesome!! I loved the extracurricular years and we are still in them with the youngest. I've never missed anything, maybe late a couple times, but never missed one and I am proud of that because they remember mom and dad being there..just like you said 108% and I can tell you we've never felt like we didn't have a life, we are honored to support them just like I know you are! I mean as parents, this is the life and I'll never get how parents can never be present at theses things. It's almost over for us and it's bittersweet but now a new chapter awaits. YOU ROCK and your chapter is going to be a page turner! xo

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    1. As long as I have you to follow for advice, I am certain I will be able to do this with confidence, grace and style.

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  2. Beautifully written and 108% on target!
    xo,
    Kellyann

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  3. On point like usual. It makes it easy to miss things when you are watching what your kids do what they love. No regrets.

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  4. You made me teary. I totally felt this way when the boys got to this stage, and I didn't miss anything either. It goes so fast, and then suddenly they're off, and you're wondering what to do with yourself. But you already know how I feel on that subject. Do take time now and again for weekends away with your friends - you'll need it for the recharging. And I'll just come to you and help root on your kiddos!

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    1. You are a perfect role model for my new chapter.

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  5. I did it and glad I did. They funny thing is when my son was running track in junior college, he would call me and tell me the meet times and such. I would show up and root for him and others on his team out there. I was out there so much and rooting for his team, that his teammates started calling me "Coach Dad". He seemed embarrassed by it but always wanted to know what the reasons were that I missed a meet.

    They might not say anything now but deep down inside they want you there even when they get older.

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    1. Coach Dad- I love it. Yup, I'm definitely going to be that parent too.

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  6. You are doing and making the best decision and choices to be there to watch and cheer them on. They will remember it always!

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Have a lovely day!