Skip to main content

Good grief?

Grief, she's a funny thing.

Every year as June 14th approaches, I find myself getting drawn back into the memories, the emotions and the raw feelings that grief entails.  I have had 16 years to deal with this and what I've learned is that it doesn't necessarily get any easier, just different.

I had no experience with real grief before losing one of my best friends, therefore I had no idea how to cope.  Thankfully my net of support was all encompassing and they understood when I needed to talk or when I needed to cry.

For the first year after Kelly died, I did just that: I cried daily and visited her grave religiously.
After the year anniversary, the tears slowly dissipated but they were replaced with a raw sadness; a sadness realizing just how much you can miss someone's presence in your life.
Then slowly over the years, I started to smile again when I thought of her and I would purposely bring to mind memories of her in hopes of not forgetting.

You see, I think the thing I fear most is forgetting her.
And I know that's crazy- she was such a big part of our lives that you can't forget someone where love was that present.   Her memory is alive any time I look at my old pictures, watch the ball videos, see her family, or hang out with Alison.  I have made it impossible to not speak her name in a day, giving Lucia her sweet Lucia Kelly.  I also drive by the site where the accident happened every day.  So realistically, my fear of forgetting her is illogical.

And I think those who've experienced this or are experiencing this would agree? It has been nice to talk to Jordan this week and hear her talk of her grief and to message with Mel who is approaching the year mark of her daughter, Shaye's death on how they will be remembering her this year.  It reminds me to continue to ride out these waves of grief as they bring light to a soul we want to remember with love.

So that is where I currently am this week: entwined in a web of memories, not really wanting to be freed but also wanting the memories of June 14 to pass and for the happy moments to return, where I can think of my friend and smile, knowing that's what she did best and would want us to be doing too.

Remembering Kelly from Dee on Vimeo.


Popular posts from this blog

Sunshine inspired fashion

Today I'm showing you the first outfit I got on my trip to Scotland/England and it just happens to be in one of my favourite colours....yes, yellow.  I also put together some of my fave yellow picks on the interwebs for you in the above link.

I have posted a few of my fave yellow pieces before like the one with the blazer  or the one with the yellow shoes and jacket and then there is also this bag that I got in Vegas last year that always makes me swoon....

Anyway, I'm's outfit is a dress, but you'll have to hop over to the Blended Blog to see it.'s sneak peak.

A blogger meet up in Toronto

It was like a weekend long blind date...... e-Harmony but for friends..... Possibly one of the craziest things I've done..... But I spent the weekend with 10 other women whom I met online. Well, except for my real life bestie on the far right. We have a group of 14 bloggers who have been collabing since the spring of 2014 and what first was simple blog fun has quickly become a sisterhood.   Last year we met in Vegas, this year we settled for Toronto and had 11 members.
Trip highlights include a bus trip with wine and Niagara Falls, a walking tour of downtown Toronto, plenty of great meals, a shopping adventure and rooftop hot tubs at night.  I could go into the details, but for me, the actual trip to Toronto wasn't why I went...the Jays weren't even playing. What brings me the most joy about this trip is the fact that women from all walks of life, all ages (we had 30, 40 and 50 somethings) with a gamut of different interests took a leap of faith and traveled to meet women…

London 1

Sunday/Monday was a blur.   It went from cruising around Toronto (that means shopping) with the little group of Blended Bloggers that were left over to heading to the airport to meet Dan and the kids then to an overnight flight to Dublin and then another 2ish hour flight to London.  At least the kids slept an hour or two, but I couldn't do it.   Currently in zombie mode.   When we got to our hotel (MalMaison Charterhouse Square) we had to nap. Well I had to anyway before I started losing it.   After an hour long family nap, Dan headed to work and I decided to take the kids out on an adventure in the neighbourhood.  We're only 850 metres from St. Paul's Cathedral and I hadn't visited it last time I was here so it was an easy pick. First I had to devise a plan to keep them engaged and because Pokemon is all they ever want, it was an easy bait.  The deal was that if they came and learned something with me, they got to have some Pokemon time in the area. It worked like a …