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Mug throwing and such or the opposite of Friday's post

I should probably have a wall that I can use as a target for mug-throwing.  Don't you ever get the urge to just break something?  I remember that pre-baby era when stories my friends with babies would tell me about shutting themselves into a closet just to scream and cry totally didn't even register on my "hey, that totally makes sense" radar.

Yup, I get it now.

Sunday will go down in history as the day Willis and I fought for eleventy billion hours.


It was the day that pushed me to my limits and had me wishing I had a plethora of mugs that could be slung and broken at random.  He made me so mad.  Let me set the stage:

We had the cousins over for a sleepover and as usual, both Willis and Lucia fought for their attention.  Willis is a little more controlling so they usually end up with him and Lucia feels left out.  I have gotten used to dealing with Willis in these situations, so I had intentions of just sitting him down and going over what happened, what I saw and what he could work on.  Willis, however, was in one of his moods that lacks the ability to reason.  Stubborn Willis was in control.  He would hear nothing of what I calmly told him (and yes, I told him these things calmly as he told me he doesn't like being yelled at) (you're welcome, future Willis reading this).  But he was in the mood where I wasn't hearing anything he was saying, I hate him, I care about Lucia more because she's cute and he didn't do anything wrong.   The fun part here is watching his stories unravel as he sees himself being caught in the truth.  So it got to the point where I needed space and I knew he would too...but the other thing about Willis in this mood is that he won't go to his room, he won't sit in a chair, he basically shuts down and refuses to listen.

And that's where I start to unravel.

Someday he will be stronger than me and will be able to stop me from picking him up or dragging him to his room, but not quite yet...eventually the fight made it's way from my closet to downstairs in his room where I told him to get to work cleaning. (I know myself well enough at this point that I need a breather to calm down, but also he's the same that way and needs space).  That worked out well for awhile and I even had he and Lucia working together because really, that was the root of all evils that day- their inability to see the other's wants/needs/desires.  So they cleaned but then started bickering again, so I quickly separated them and spent some time with Willis, working on him listening despite not wanting to do what I asked.  Well that blew up in my face...he spent 15 minutes trying to hang up a dress shirt that he felt needed to be thrown in the back of the closet. And then another 30 minutes arguing with me about where his hoodies should be.  This was particularly frustrating as the whole point of the exercise was for him to practice listening despite what he thought. (And now I know that sounds backwards rereading that, but the kid needs to learn to stop and listen).   I think at this point we are in hour 4 of him crying/screaming/fighting and me losing my marbles.  The breaking point was him calling me a horrible mom who doesn't care about him.

So I unraveled some more and I'm not really proud of it, but I decided to be the "horrible, uncaring mom" that he thought I was and completely strip his room of every single possession. Yup. Nothing but clothes left and he was lucky to have those because even at that point, he wouldn't hang the damn hoodies up.  I know, someday I'll be praising his persistence.......





In the end, he quieted down and fell asleep for 30 minutes.  And, as I had predicted at the very beginning of the fight, he was much easier to talk to and receptive.  We snuggled, both said some I'm sorrys and I was able to calmly make the point I had set out to make that morning.  I'm glad we went to mass that morning and that I payed attention to the homily as I was able to take some of the teachings into our peaceful ending to a very long ass day.  I was able to remind Willis that regardless what happens, that like Jesus, I will always love him and will be there for him regardless the situation.  In the end. I think we'll come out stronger because of the road we travelled today.

And while I didn't break any mugs and the only damage done was to my parenting ego (okay, I also smuggled a coffee mug of wine into the theatre that night), I am also going to take lessons out of it.  In all of this, I have learned WHAT I AM NOT.  I am not a push-over mom.  I am not going to let my kid get away with anything when there is learning to be had, regardless how upset he is.  I am not patient and calm when pushed to the brink and am working on that.

I am not a perfect mom, but I am a loving one and that's what makes me great.





What are you not?

Comments

  1. Living on Cloud Nine12 March, 2017 21:43

    OH sweetie, days like this hurt but I love that you now what a loving mom your are. We live and learn in this whole parenting thing and yes, you both will become stronger. OH I do not miss those days and they still try me but again, I am here to tell you, it gets better!!! Hugs for a great week ahead!!

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  2. I love your patenting skills, i really really do! You are an excellent mom and that's never an easy job, but man your kids are lucky. We all have those days where we want to throw mugs...need to look into capitalizing on that somehow lol. Happy Monday, here's to a new week! XO - Kim

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  3. We have all had our days like this and I love that you so openly talk about and share yours. Not perfect, but loving. Heck, YES!

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  4. I totally see myself in your parenting style. I only have one daughter and she's 5 going on 15. It's already a battle at times but I try so hard to be calm and it winds up blowing up. <3 Now I want to go buy some dollar mugs to throw around. ;)

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  5. Believe me, we've all been there ;) You have a great outlook!

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  6. I never ever want to have to experience this but I have to tell you... my little guy will stand his grand and I can see that when he is older it's going to get ugly from time to time.

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  7. oh my goodness, I think you and I had the same day. I have never ever fought with Baby Fox before, and this week I seriously at my wits end with him. Enough that I left the house because I was so mad at him, then I actually gave him a little bit of the silent treatment...in the end he apologized, we both hugged it out and I at bed time as we were snuggling, I told him tomorrow is a new day. But man it was rough and I never thought I could get that mad. Even with him crying uncontrollably I was just so mad I didn't care and send Mr. in to regulate. Glad I am not the only one in this boat. Thanks friend. Love you!

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  8. He sounds exactly like Zachary. We just had an argument about him putting his candy bags away. I put some of them away for him and he wanted them back on the kitchen table, which is where I don't want them to be!

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  9. I could have written this post, many times over. I raised one of the most stubborn kids who always wanted to have the last word. Which meant he had a hard time listening because he was always thinking ahead to what he would say (or scream) next. None of us are perfect, but you handled this day in a perfect, loving way. Not being a push over is key. Even when it feels like they aren't listening, deep down they are. And they want to know that no matter how angry they get, you will be there to set boundaries and not let them get away with it. Good job mom!

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  10. I am not looking forward to this stage with two stubborn girls and my temper. You are an awesome mom.

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  11. Oh yes. Both my girls are stubborn. There are days I love their tenacity and others that have screaming. I keep telling myself that I am so happy they don't take no for an answer because later in life I know they will work so hard in life. Nothing will stop them...I pray for their future bosses...haha! Sounds like you are a loving Mama and it was a totally rough day. But the nice part to being a Mama is that in those rough days there are the sweetest moments too!

    http://www.mylittlenest.org

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  12. I remember those years and those days. So hard and get opportunities for goodness to rise. As I sit now on the verge having a 30 year old daughter I am in awe of all we been through and yet our love for one another is deeper because of the pain and struggles. Last week so posted an amazing comment on by FB page that blew me away. Stay strong and know you are a good mommy. They will always love you!

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  13. It is so hard having to be the tough one and not giving in, but as you said it's better in the long run. We are at that stage now with the toddler where he's trying to push boundaries and still learning to control his impulses. All morning he'd been behaving so well and sharing his toys at playgroup and then just before we left a girl took one of the toys off him and he hit her. Ugh. It was going so well! The hard part is like you said trying to keep our own reactions at bay and trying to parent and be consistent. I was furious with him and so embarassed but I had to just leave that aside and try to turn it into a teachable moment. You're doing a great job, it might be hard but it's worth it.


    Away From The Blue Blog

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  14. Ashley Nguyen Newell13 March, 2017 15:19

    I think we ALL have this day. And somedays I feel like there's no way around losing my cool. Giant hugs, mama!

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  15. I’m a Life Coach, and I had a client that loved the sound of breaking glass. I staged a glass breaking event and it help work through a lot of her stress. I even got to break a few glasses, and it was very therapeutic. I’ve never thrown mud, but I think it would be just as fun. You could use a good glass breaking session. Wow, that story was enlightening. I don’t have kids but I can only imagine the patience it must take on a daily basis. You did exactly what my Mother and Father would have done. They actually wouldn’t have to talk to me for so long they would have immediately taken everything out of the room. I admire the love you have for your children and hope to one day be as understanding and loving as you.

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  16. Grady has already outgrown the size where I can drag him up the stairs but I am proud of the fact that I still scare him enough that he goes up when I scream like a maniac. We all have those moments. Push over moms we are not. In the end, you both win.

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  17. I laughted, not at you or the situation, but at the raw truth of the scene you set and seeing myself in this story. When Halie was about 3.5 and I lost it, my dad found me dragging everything but the bed out of her room and it was all in the hallway. He just stood there dumbfounded at the sight but I was so mad!!!! I apploud you for not being a push over. For choosing to be their mom not always their friend/favorite.

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  18. Oh, lady- you are so strong! You might've thought you lost your marbles, but the reality is your patience level is WAYYYYYY higher than most. I'm glad it finally got to a place where you and Willis were able to talk calmly. :)

    -Ashley
    Le Stylo Rouge

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  19. A momma's got to do what a momma's got to do! And stripping all the possession was ingenious!

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  20. Haha, isn't amazing how much you didn't understand before becoming a mama?!?! Sheesh, I feel ya girl!!

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  21. You're an awesome momma, I've seen you in action after all! Being a pushover will get you nowhere. I'm glad you held your guns lady and that in the end he saw your reason. He's a good kid because of how you and Dan have and continue to raise him.
    Drink the big glass of wine pretty lady, sounds like you've earned it

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  22. I will take you up on that suggestion. Wine it is. Thanks for the love.

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  23. Scream like a maniac. Totally exactly what I did. When shall we talk this week>

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  24. lol- glad to hear I'm not the only one.

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  25. I always feel like I'm losing it. Oy.

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  26. lol- it was the right thing...in my madness

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  27. Parenting can be so awesome but also so frustrating!

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  28. Yup- exactly that- it was bound to happen.

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  29. lol- Now I want to sling mud as well as break things. Love your input!

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  30. bahahaha- it shall come and I can't wait to hear your stories.

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  31. Yup, I believe that this will serve him well in the future too.

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  32. I saw that post and it made my heart smile for you. YOu are a wonderful momma.

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  33. I cannot picture you being mad. Seriously.

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  34. lol- just one of the many times I think of you during the day. I need to have a "what would lana do" mantra.

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  35. I've actually never broken a mug...I'm not even sure I would like it.

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  36. It's weird that we want them to stick up for themselves but at the same time listen, isn't it.

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  37. Glad to hear that! Thanks for your support :)

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  38. […] up roses this week.   Well, in the parenting world, anyway. Willis has been a superstar since our blowout on Sunday.  Naturally, of course he is. He really is a wonderful kid that just has to learn lessons the hard […]

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  39. I read this post early this morning then thought about you guys all day. I know this was written several days ago, and that life has no doubt returned to relative calm. But I remember all too well how afternoons like the one you describe can leave a lingering sadness for days to come. Hope there was some take-away from all of this for Willis that will prevent similar meltdowns in the future. But my moodiest daughter had a huge meltdown while we were at my mom's last week and my heart is still hurting. Some things never change.

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  40. Oh dear! I am not a perfect mom either! Let's go drink wine together.

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