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Exposed

Current mood: zombie.

And that's not because of the Halloweenyness of the day.

I have been physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted for the past two weeks.  I don't know if it was parent teacher interviews that did it, or my new intense workout regime or the side effects of single parenting but regardless I am barely hanging on.  My face feels like its aged 10 years and I can barely stay up past 9.  Never mind having a house to take care of and corrections to do, my kids have been super demanding too.



Truth be told, I have been struggling with Lucia also for the past couple weeks.  She seems to have developed an attitude, or as my mom so kindly put it...an edge.  She yells, she screams, she runs away, she pouts, she cries, she full out temper tantrums over the smallest to the biggest things and even over the things that don't concern her.  If I had a glass of wine for every time I had to attempt to calm her during a day, well let's just say things would be way more interesting.  I have never wanted to just walk out the front door and keep walking more in my life.  But don't worry about me, I've got this.

Because the thing is, Lucia is me.

I have been utterly and completely exposed while parenting her this week.  And this why I am confidant, albeit extremely tired and irritable, but nonetheless confidant that I will be able to crack this kid's moodiness.  Like Lucia, I hate making mistakes and get really defensive and mad (at myself) when I do.  Like Lucia, my first reaction when angered is to yell.  Like my feisty daughter, I find it much easier to stomp away and slam the door when dealing with conflict.  But unlike Lucia, I have 30+ years of figuring myself out and not only have I mastered the eye roll, but it doesn't scare me.



So after another long day with her screaming and yelling yesterday, I was about done. Actually, to be honest, I was hiding in my closet, watching the birds. Yup.  I was a little shocked when she strolled into the room with a grin on her face and a picture in her hand.  She proudly put it down on my vanity and looked up at me with her tear-stained eyes, practically begging me to give her a chance.  The drawing below was easy to decipher.  Lucia (with very pretty earrings) was sad while thinking of Dad and Willis who were discussing their afternoon plans together. (Costco and Pokémon...totally exciting).  She was then able to express to me exactly how she was feeling and why it upset her, which she hadn't be able to do 5 minutes earlier in the midst of her rage.  Therefore we spent some time talking about how we could use this strategy the next time she was feeling upset and how it could benefit her.  She seemed receptive and very proud of herself.  And rightfully so, not many 6 year olds can call out their faults and actively look for ways to improve on them.

After our heart-to-heart we cuddled and watched Harry Potter : The Chamber of Secrets, and she contentedly stayed by my side, even during the scary parts because : that spider is totally fake, mom.  By the time it was bedtime, with a few more crying and screaming fits under my belt, by her, not me ;)- I was ready to call it a day.  She wanted me to wait to come into her room before I tucked her in, so I obliged.  Well, the little girl knows the way to my heart, as she quickly wrote this on her white board for me to see and then she snuggled up in bed, ready to start fresh the next day.



My little girl, while so crazily fierce and fiery like me, is showing signs that she will also know loyalty, forgiveness and the power and importance of love above everything else.  Sweet dreams, little one.

Comments

  1. Awww I'm so sorry you have been having a rough time lately. That was really interesting to me how she drew out basically how she was feeling. Truly amazing really. I think its sweet how she wrote that on her white board (I would be in tears, hehe). I hope things start getting easier for you sooner girlie.

    Erica
    www.pumpsandpushups.com

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  2. Such a real and relatable post. I have been there for nearly 8 years now. Marissa is my mini me. It is so enraging at times. Because I feel I can read here every thought. I know her struggles. I think it can be harder to love a little version of yourself at times. Keep up the good work mom. You totally got this.

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  3. Aww..hang in there friend...I'm sure it's been tough, and hope it gets better for you soon. The good news? Wine for the win :)

    Shauna

    www.lipglossandlace.net

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  4. What a sweet story it is the little things that keep us going when times get rough.

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  5. This was such a beautiful post. I know everyone with (or around) kids has felt this frustration and you are doing such an amazing job. Your daughter is so precious and is showing so many great qualities ... kudos to you mom! XO -Kim

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  6. This is a totally sweet story. What an amazing experience to get to see yourself in your kids (the good and the bad). If she turns out like you, Lucia is going to be one amazing human!

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  7. I find the very things that used to frustrate me gets my older one upset as well. THis is an awesome post with such great learning!

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  8. Living on Cloud Nine31 October, 2016 02:33

    Precious story my friend! It really did have me tearing up, because I started thinking about the times when the boys would frustrate me to no end and then they do something out of the blue to make me overjoyed with happiness! You're doing everything right and the frustration is going to happen so much but those moments that you find in the frustration that make you think "wow," make it all worth it!

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  9. What a beautiful post. It's so hard to grow up, and figure life out. And hard on the parents too. You've got this, and clearly she does too. Maybe you should take a break and come visit me or something :).

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  10. Oh what a day! It's amazing how thoughtful kiddos can be.

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  11. This is so sweet! It's moments like that that make it all worth it, right?

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  12. OH my goodness, this is just the sweetest. Not the fighting and screaming part. But I know it's hard for them to voice how they are feeling as they don't even know the words yet that describe that feeling. Glad you were able to work through it at the moment and hopefully moving forward can figure it out. Also I do the same exact thing reacting to something...two peas in a pod me and you.

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  13. Oh man. I can't imagine dealing with a daughter just like me. I was horrible I tell ya. She sounds so intelligent tho!! Wow she figured out how to express herself. I think you're gonna be fine mom!

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  14. Awww, can't imagine what you're going through - hoping the phase passes sooner rather than later!

    Laura
    www.blackcoffeebeautiful.com

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  15. And she will grow up and love you dearly! Your lives will be forever tied together and she will be a best for life. How do I know this? It's the story I've lived. I hope you get rest, dear one! xoxo

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  16. Parenting definitely has its days. My very sweet, VERY independent daughter seems to have the knack of going through sassy phases when daddy is gone, too. Thank goodness she gives the best snuggles and hugs when she gets over her attitude! It helps me remember why parenting is all worth it!

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  17. Deena, I am so happy that you wrote this post for all the moms out there who have good and bad days/weeks/months. If only we had a magic wand, and if only our children had a magic wand to fix their moods. I am pretty sure they themselves don't enjoy being that version of themselves yet they have to go through the storm get to the better parts of themselves. It's the journey that teaches them skills and strategies,, but boy is it exhausting for us as parents. I have had multiple times over the years where I've locked myself in the bathroom because I felt that I was going to EXPLODE. We are entering unchartered territory in this household as Halie is exhibiting some early pre-teen attitude and I am not at all equipped for it. Hugs to you.

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  18. Deena - this is such a good post - such honesty - and good for so many moms out there (and even those without kids - those who deal with "big kids" - aka spouses...). I never thought you would be someone that tired out - you amaze me at all you do!

    Lisa
    Daily Style Finds

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  19. You are a good mama. Love the honesty. I can definitely relate.

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  20. Oh what a beautiful post. It's a shame you've been having a tough time lately, but it's great you're able to focus on what your kids need and still be the best mother you can. You're doing a great job, and your daughter can see that :)

    Hope you're having a better week!

    Away From The Blue Blog

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  21. […] today’s post I had fun with lipstick and kept it real with the photos.  If you read my Monday post, you would know that I’m barely staying on top of things, so I thought I would take my […]

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  22. Love having a good mama like you to vent with.

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  23. Aw, thanks. The week is definitely better.

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  24. I totally want that magic wand. Thanks for your lovely words, they make me smile.

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  25. lhahahah..the spouses. Well, that's an entirely different post but totally relevant :)

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  26. thanks! I was a stinker too, so karma, I guess?

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  27. Me also. If not, bring on the wine.

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  28. The week is better so far, and lots of sleep is definitely helping.

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  29. Ya, I'm a sucker for the cuddles too.

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  30. Goodgawd, my trip can not be coming at a better time!

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  31. i would have never have pegged you as an easily angered one. Maybe that's why you and I are so sweet ;)

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  32. Ha! Have I ever got you fooled. MUAHHAHAHAH

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  33. I suppose that whole frustration cycle doesn't ever change...they probably still do it when they're older. Thanks for your kind words in the emails, made me smile this week.

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  34. Have you any secret tips for dealing with yourself (basically)??

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  35. Aw, thanks, that means a lot, really. You make me smile.

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  36. I thought it was really cool. She went on and did a series of 4 drawings after that, working through the events of the day...quite a breakthrough

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  37. Oh man I wish I had good ones. I think for me it has been letting her learn in her own as much as I want to help / stop her. She's stubborn (like me) and wont listen anyways 😂.

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  38. I know this was probably a hard post to write, but goodness it's a beautiful one. I really wish I could sit down and share a glass of wine with you! It sounds like you are such an amazing mother, with a bright little girl too! Here's to hoping that with conferences and halloween behind you and the silver lining of the holiday breaks ahead things lighten up a bit!

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  39. That spider terrifies me, so good for her for being so brave! Kids, nothing exposes us more than motherhood, right? I guess that is why when we are pregnant we get so used to the idea of people poking and prodding us and asking us to get undressed and show things we really don't want to show. It's preparation for the years to come... #happynowlinkup

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  40. Aw, thanks for the sweet words and YES to wine and chitchat about all the wonderful things in life.

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  41. Ha- very good point, I never looked at it that way.

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  42. You write so honestly...thanks for always sharing so much of yourself and your sweet fam! Not being a Mama, I can't give advice but you know I'd always be down for sharing many glasses of wine with you in both the good and hard times! :)

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  43. Thanks, Katie, I appreciate that. I also love the idea of more wine with you :)

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