Skip to main content

Stream of consciousness

I admit it. I'm feeling disengaged.  Well maybe not disengaged because I'm not too sure that's the right word. Going to look it up.....

Yup, nope. Wrong context because I didn't do this on purpose.  Rather, let's say I'm feeling passive. But kinda an quai-active passive...which doesn't really exist.  More like I'm just floating through the days doing things but not really doing them?

Whatever. You get my drift. Maybe. I'm not even sure I get my own drift. ummmmmmm snow drift. It's too bad they don't sell that delight in the winter.  Slush and ice cream.  Best invention ever. Except for wine in a box.  And self checkouts.
I don't like talking to people unless I have to.
I also have started not enjoying talking on the phone.  Which is weird because I grew up with a phone attached to my ear. My parents even got me my own landline.  That's why Christy and I know each other inside out or outside in.  We would talk for 3 hours after school.   We were the definition of cool. Or at least we thought we were.
*****leaves computer to go get a glass of wine. It's about that time.******

I ran out of christmas cards this year. Fail.
I haphazardly flung lights around the basement Christmas tree and put one ornament on it.  The box is still sitting next to it, expecting me to decorate. I still haven't vacuumed up the pine needle mess. Fail.
I have absolutely nothing to bring home for Christmas this weekend. Good thing my mom is newly retired and baked EVERY FREAKING RECIPE IN HER KITCHEN.  I will likely come home 7 lbs heavier. Fail.
Shit. I forgot to pack the presents. Fail
*******considers going to locate them and then forgets which box was for which family Christmas. And I don't remember which box I send home with Mom and Dad so I'll have to call Dad.  And now Willis is back awake because he can't sleep.  He's too scared.  I asked him if he thinks I'm cool.  He glared and stomped back downstairs.*******

So en route to procuring the presents from the furnace room, I stopped in on Willis for a snuggle to help him fall asleep.  I'm a great mom that way.  But instead I find that I'm in a destrucful destructing destructy badass mood and lick him on the cheek instead.  I'm a great mom that way.  He's so annoyed with me.  Serves him right, being so cute.
Sometimes I feel pesky like that in class and those are the days when I'm likely to take a kids' binder and dump out their contents, requesting that they get their life in order. Which I think is definitely better than licking them on the cheek. Yuck.  That would be wrong.
But would it have been wrong had I licked my brother on the cheek whilst I was teaching him?


I mean, he clearly thought it was okay to hop on my back during a lesson on Napoleon or something. Maybe we were acting it out.  Why do I appear to be picking my nose?  And also, who dressed me? Why did I feel it was necessary to wear a man's dress shirt with no shape.  I had shape back then (and perky boobs)  Which is not at all related to teaching, but more so to the lack of birthing and feeding children.
Anyway.
I would like to disengage from this conversation.

So, I was talking about feeling kinda floaty this advent.  I think I've come to the conclusion that it's mostly centred around this transition.  Last year on this day we buried our Grams and really, last Christmas was just a sad haze.  This Christmas I have been wrapping my brain around what it means to be without my Grandmothers.  I feel like I have now lost the two women who defined Christmas for me and really created every single tradition and memory I have.  I know I have big shoes to fill because I most definitely want my children to experience the love and the beauty of the Christmas season.
But you know what, let's save that for another post. I feel I have more to say.

For now, I'm going to go experience what Christmas is for me this weekend: sacred time with my family, rituals and traditions shared and that true feeling of being loved.

Have a blessed weekend.




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sunshine inspired fashion

Today I'm showing you the first outfit I got on my trip to Scotland/England and it just happens to be in one of my favourite colours....yes, yellow.  I also put together some of my fave yellow picks on the interwebs for you in the above link.

I have posted a few of my fave yellow pieces before like the one with the blazer  or the one with the yellow shoes and jacket and then there is also this bag that I got in Vegas last year that always makes me swoon....


Anyway, I'm rambling....today's outfit is a dress, but you'll have to hop over to the Blended Blog to see it. Muahahahahha...here's sneak peak.

A blogger meet up in Toronto

It was like a weekend long blind date...... e-Harmony but for friends..... Possibly one of the craziest things I've done..... But I spent the weekend with 10 other women whom I met online. Well, except for my real life bestie on the far right. We have a group of 14 bloggers who have been collabing since the spring of 2014 and what first was simple blog fun has quickly become a sisterhood.   Last year we met in Vegas, this year we settled for Toronto and had 11 members.
Trip highlights include a bus trip with wine and Niagara Falls, a walking tour of downtown Toronto, plenty of great meals, a shopping adventure and rooftop hot tubs at night.  I could go into the details, but for me, the actual trip to Toronto wasn't why I went...the Jays weren't even playing. What brings me the most joy about this trip is the fact that women from all walks of life, all ages (we had 30, 40 and 50 somethings) with a gamut of different interests took a leap of faith and traveled to meet women…

London 1

Sunday/Monday was a blur.   It went from cruising around Toronto (that means shopping) with the little group of Blended Bloggers that were left over to heading to the airport to meet Dan and the kids then to an overnight flight to Dublin and then another 2ish hour flight to London.  At least the kids slept an hour or two, but I couldn't do it.   Currently in zombie mode.   When we got to our hotel (MalMaison Charterhouse Square) we had to nap. Well I had to anyway before I started losing it.   After an hour long family nap, Dan headed to work and I decided to take the kids out on an adventure in the neighbourhood.  We're only 850 metres from St. Paul's Cathedral and I hadn't visited it last time I was here so it was an easy pick. First I had to devise a plan to keep them engaged and because Pokemon is all they ever want, it was an easy bait.  The deal was that if they came and learned something with me, they got to have some Pokemon time in the area. It worked like a …