Comforting things

Stress level 19

Disclaimer: I thought about this a lot last night- there are people in my life who have been through much worse. But alas, here we are in my stress level 19 zone: Lucia's growth hormone treatment day.
We are at the hospital- waiting to be admitted.
Lucia keeps saying: mommy, hungry.

It's gonna be a long day but I will try to keep posting updates

8am- still waiting to get into our room. They wanted us here early to get this going early- so much for that. I've already been asked 22 times for a banana by my little monkey.

8:30am- now in OR to get a something something 22. Medical jargon over my head. They have the ultrasound machines here to get the IV in. That's the important part. Lucia is giggly and happy. Dan is Dan. I'm still skeptical with a guard up but will lighten up once this gets rolling, I'm sure

10 am: she's still in OR and happily alseep as multiple people poke her multiple times. My stress level is at 20-on a scale of 10. At one point she had two things in her arms and two in her foot. She just has such small veins....

11:30- we quit. Will update later whenI'm in a better frame of mind

1:00- Lucia is snuggled up to me, sleeping peacefully. I needed to shut the world off, focus on my girl and have a good ugly cry in my room to get me back to a happy place. I also managed to get caught up on my texts and emails and have a little nap. I am feeling better about things already.

I really was hoping today would have been a stress level 19 day, but on a scale of 100. I was trying to keep perspective and root for the best. Sitting in the OR, holding Lucia's hand while she snoozed (and secretly wishing they'd give me some of the magic gas too) I realized that this wasn't going to be easy. Again. They needed a certain size IV to be able to draw for all the samples today. At one point they had two going in one arm and two in her foot. I lost track, but they had probably close to 15 pokes in my little pin cushioned doll. Luckily she couldn't feel it.
Her recovery was nasty. She screamed, hit, threw punches and fought for close to an hour. I was the recipient of most of these and have battle wounds to show. In the end they couldn't make the small IV work and once again, we threw in the towel.
We will be exploring another option which the doctor started talking about but I had nothing left to give them and couldn't register a word- my mommy defenses were up and I just wanted to get my girl out of there.
So for now we'll let the Doctor do his research and go about our merry way.

I learned a lot about my little girl today. I knew she was tough but I saw so much fire in her that I couldn't have been more proud. The way she fought when upset showed me a side of her that won't put up with shit and won't let people push her around. I'm so glad she got her momma's temper.
I also fell a little more in love with my calm and collected husband today.
And then I was moved by the support of friends and family. I just got a call that I have a flower delivery from someone. Thank you to all who sent texts and emails and comments of support- they don't go unappreciated.

In the end, this is our reality and it is something that we will pursue and investigate because as a parent you do anything for your child. I draw strength and courage from the stories of others whose stresses seem much more significant, but most importantly is the love that can be seen in the relationships we build and grow. To me, that is the greatest gift.

That's enough from me for today- now back to my snuggles.

Comments

  1. There are always people who have been through worse. It doesn't make the situations we are in any less scary or stressful. Your stress is COMPLETELY understandable. Lucia is your baby.

    I am hoping the anticipation is worse than the treatment. And that your little monkey gets her banana sooner, rather than later.

    I will be thinking about you all day. Glad you are going to be sharing updates.

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  2. Thinking of Lucia and your family today!

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  3. Hiya, been thinking of you all day and checking for updates. I'm glad to hear you're both 'okay' albeit a bit wounded, physically and emotionally. Sending thoughts and love across the ocean! Jaimie

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