What's up Wednesday

Blank stare

So Dan and I were kid-less on Monday.

You'd think that I'd go crazy with things to do given all this free time.  Au contraire,  mon ami.

Dan has a lot on his work plate at the moment, so he did just that.
I have no voice and can't stop coughing, so I was a suck and rested.

You'd think that a house with no kids would be more eventful.  We did, however, get to go for supper and not have to feel like we need to rush home. That was nice.

My observation?  I forget what it's like to be just us, sans kids.  I find myself sitting there, thinking of Willis and Lucia who are happily off playing with their grandparents.  I find myself smiling and picturing their adorable faces and soft soft skin.
In fact, I find it really hard to concentrate on anything other than parenting.  Maybe that's because I can really only do a half-assed job at whatever else occupies my time.  I find it hard to find a passion, something to define me when really all that I want to and care to think about are my darling little munchkins.  Sometimes I feel like I am lacking focus on my career and that all the drive that I once possessed has left me.
If you were to ask me what my dream job would be right now (other than parenting), I wouldn't even know where to start.

Blank stare.....

It kinda bugs me that it feels like I wasted 10 years searching for, paying for and attempting a career,.
It must just be a stage.  That in between stage of mommyhood when the kids need the most attention and you sacrifice everything else because you need to. I want to raise my kids so obviously some things have to go out the window.  And these are purely my choices, everyone has their own opinion....so what do I throw out? What will have to give a little so that I can be a good mom?....my job? my ambition? friends?  Wait, not friends, I need them far too much.....style? Nope, not style.  Hairstyle, yes...but not the clothes.  Please, not my wardrobe.  I don't want to be one of thoooooose moms.  Wait, I don't want to have a tight perm at 35 either.
How can I be me and still be a super mom?

Rambling over.  Point partially made.  Clarity slightly achieved.

In the end, I have realized that for not even for a minute do I really enjoy this alone time.  Okay, that's a lie.  Maybe a couple hours were grande, but I just miss my kids.  Will it always be like that?   I wonder if how many time my mom and dad think about me during the day.....




Comments

  1. I've got it. If you want to combine parenting and teaching, after the kids grow up you can go back and be a kindergarten teacher!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. biggest girl - all a parent ever thinks about is having happy kids!! have a lovely day!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Have a lovely day!