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Friday contemplations

I've been finding myself lately getting caught up in thoughts about the world wind of life that can sometimes surround us.
Maybe it's just me going into reflection mode as Dad tackles his last cancer treatment tonight.
Maybe it's the constant bombarding of bad news.
Maybe this is just a passage of time. 
Maybe it's because I started reading the newspaper again and we all know how joyful it can be.
Maybe it's hormonal.
That might also explain why I felt the need to eat two chocolate bars yesterday....

DO you ever get that way when you can't stop thinking about the constant shit that people are going through?   We're getting older, the people around us are as well and our circle of friends is broadening, therefore we're more affected by people's lives.
I don't ever remember being this way. 
I mean, I lead a fairly sheltered life growing up and apart from a couple people I knew passing away during my youth and high school years, I never really experienced true grief until Kelly died in June 2001.  Since then I've said an unexpectant goodbye that same summer to my Grandpa Park and then in 2008 to an ex and old friend, AndrĂ©.

 Still, compared to what others have experienced, my life is simple.Yet, I can't seem to stop thinking about the constant craptacular drone of nonsense that clogs the airways that I'm trying to breathe.
Come to think of it, I'm at a point now that I can't even think of somebody in my life who doesn't have something bogging them down, something to worry about, something to stress them.
I guess these are things that bring us closer in this experience we call life?
It does become the moments that build lasting relationships?
So the eternal optimist that resides in me does finally get a word in.
She starts to make sense of things.
I like her better than the hormonal mess I can become when left for extended amounts of time (with far too much chocolate and not enough wine) without someone to talk to at night for entertainment's purposes.  Chris Harrison and his rose ceremonies can only go so far.

Then sometimes I even find it comical that I get all stressed out about cancers and diagnostics and illnesses and accidents....I mean isn't death the one thing we all have in common anyway? It's not something we can hide from or prevent.  Unless you're Voldemort and well, we all know that's a completely different problem.

So really, in the end, I guess my point is, if I'm even trying to make one in this blurb of nothing, that when I start thinking about all the shit and the guck and the blah that happens, it just makes me want to have a closer relationship with God.  Because if I know believe that there's something bigger and this is not the end and that love lasts forever even after our physical end, then I can, in a sense, find peace in the happenings in life.  Because I know that life goes on and that there's a grander scheme to things.
And that gives me peace.
Now if only I could find the rest of those chocolate bars.  I didn't buy a 4 pack for nothing.

Happy Friday! Happy last injection day, Dad!!!





Comments

  1. ahhhh stress. life. I've always been one of those people who thought wrinkles and scars are beautiful and make us who we are (could you imagine a grandma's face without wrinkles? and do you ever think of all the fantastic and stressful events in their life that contributed to them??). I guess over time life also gives us emotional wrinkles and scars that give us and character and make us unique (and therefore beautiful).

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  2. I have often wondered how people who don't believe in God and eternity can find peace in this world that is so full of evil and hurt.

    The types of things you wrote about have recently been getting my husband and I down. Just looking at parents and knowing they won't be around forever. Our ever increasing body aches and health concerns....It can be overwhelming at times.

    Thanks for writing this!

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  3. our lives are certainly a journey, our own story, our own book ... sometimes we'd like to skip some chapters ... we do need to know where we are headed. chins up! I am so looking forward to getting my husband back!!

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