Fall Home Tour

To adjust or not to adjust...

I get asked quite frequently at school "how are you adjusting?"  We are 2 months exactly into the school year and that is a question that I've pondered almost daily.
What am I doing? How am I doing?  Am I happy?
To say the first couple weeks were difficult would be an understatement.  I was mad.  I was angry.  I was resentful with my decision to go back to work full time.  But at the same time I was excited to see my colleagues, happy to see my former students all grown up.  I was kinda pumped to get back into a routine and get dressed up in nice clothes.
Eventually my feelings of anger dissipated and I got into a groove of some sort.
Now I'm at a place of contentment with my decision.  I make the most of my time with my children after work and I love every minute I get to cuddle with them and share in their day.  I'm grateful for two caregivers who love my children, which is the most important thing for me.  Willis has a caring place to go to during the day where he can burn off that 4 year old steam with his friends.  Lucia is cared for by my sister and is being fed healthy food and is engaged in enriching activities.  I don't think my set up could be better.  So I'm grateful and slightly jealous still that I'm not getting that time with them, but I do know that I'm a far better mom during the time I have with them because my time is limited.
My issues right now are mostly surrounding my demands placed on me as a teacher.  I can handle my housework, my health, my mom duties and wife role without missing a beat, but I'm struggling with my teacher hat.
There is so much I want to do for my students.  I'd love to put my whole heart and many levels of creativity into my assignments or I'd love to at least have assignments or exams corrected the next day for them.  But I can't.  I'm barely a day ahead of myself, if that.  I just feel like I'm not the teacher I used to be: energetic, enthusiastic, giving......ah well.  Someday I'll win the battle.
All I know is that my mom hat is far too heavy right now and will continue to occupy the majority of my time because I know that these moments with my kidlets are fleeting.
And really, I don't get paid enough to miss that.



Comments

  1. follow your path in life, you'll manage it all!

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