The past couple days have left me in a state of wonder.  Well kinda. It's been more like a state of "couldstareatthewallforhours" and "difficulttostopcrying".  But it's been good for me. I've had a couple breakthroughs or epiphanies, if you will and I think it's going to make me a better mom, wife and friend.

One thing that has crossed my mind quite often is wondering how many people hugged their own children that much harder and that much longer after we learned that Tripp didn't make it. I know I did. In fact that was probably the first night in Lucia's 9 months that I was wanting desperately for her to wake up just I could hold her, regardless the hour. I'm kinda overwhelmed with how Jordan's pain can have a ripple effect on so many people's lives, but in a good way and you know what, I think this will help Jordan.

The past two days have been difficult for me. Obviously nothing compared to what the Hamiltons and Fritshaws are living- but I'd be lying if I said that my world hasn't been rocked. Tuesday was probably the worst I've felt since Kelly died. I let it all out and felt the pain for my friend as I'm sure almost everyone did.  But then it was like magic and all of a sudden I felt better and I think it was mostly because I was able to see Jordan and Hugh. Strangely that gave me comfort. I left their house feeling relieved and proud of my friend. She is so strong. I know she is going to be okay. In the same breath I also know it's not going to be an easy road but deep down, I know she'll be okay.  Which brings me to my second thought that hasn't left my mind.

Support.  I'm amazed by how much people have reached out, far out of their comfort zones in order to offer something, anything.  My tears of sorrow have been replaced by tears of awe.  It has moved me to see old teammates come together again in support. I always knew that I was apart of something special with our team in Shellbrook, but man, that is so much clearer now.  Really, I think our coach was on to something.  Jim knew what he was doing.  He always talked about and made analogies to a flock of geese, which is easy to do when your team is named "Ganza" which is geese in German.  Geese always fly together.  When one goes down, others will go down with it to ensure it's safety.  Geese take turns flying in the lead.  Geese support each other.  Jim SO knew that this wasn't just about ball and now I'm finally seeing the link. DING DING DING, we have a winner.  There are so many life lessons that can be taken from what we learned on the ball diamond.  We learned that when we weren't fielding, we were covering.  We learned to choke up and keep our eyes on the ball.  We learned to encourage and support.

Really, I think that is what is going to get J through this.  Knowing that she has people surrounding her who would do anything to help her through this.
And that, I think, is Tripp, working his magic.  Showing us that there is beauty in the world, even on the darkest days.


  1. Beautiful post Deena. I have had you and your friends family in my thoughts and prayers. I have given Vaya many hugs and kisses, told her many times how much I love her and talked to my husband about how very lucky we are. Your spirit is amazing. Sending big hugs to you.

  2. Deena, you are so strong and eloquent in your writing. You are a wonderful friend. Keep hugging those beautiful children of yours.We all love you very much.


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